Therefore, I’ll be (largely) offline starting probably Saturday or so.

Perhaps I’ll read my micro-ec textbook….

[Cross-posted on Xanga too]

O Kara, Hailey, i miss the well-hid flame of your soul-poesy.

but Kara, if you are not a poet and will not be, then what am i? a mere rhymester, i suppose, or perhaps—at most—a wordsmith, which makes me very sad.

i am as made.

I have two (sad) observations in response to that post, and a plea. Yes, a plea. First, the observations.

I’ve been a missionary kid for, well, my entire life, even counting the time between conception and birth. I’ve been in lots and lots of church services and heard more sermons than I could possibly count. But it is difficult for me to remember the few sermons that practiced what he recommends —digging for God’s deeper insights and the intricate details of the Word— when I remember all the “insightful teachers” who simply skimmed off the top, as he puts it. I have very rarely been around when gold was struck. And I’ve never seen anything that resembled a gold rush.

That’s probably why I don’t know how to dig for gold myself, what to expect, or when to expect it. I can tell when it’s only mica flakes or “salted” gold being extracted, to some extent, because I have a highly critical mind, but all too often I even let that slide or fail to notice. And in my own studies, while I’m aware that I skim and hardly ever strike gold, I’m not sure what to do about it. I feel mostly powerless.

Following the (admittedly uninspired) advice of Nick Malik’s recent post on not trying to make people both think and change at the same time, I’d like to ask —no, make that plead— for some “pre-thunk” thoughts to help the process of change. What specific things need to change in my life or habits (or your life or habits, or…) to dig for gold? It’s not enough to simply say, “It’s easy, just start digging” when I’ve been trying to dig for five or six years now. “Just try harder” won’t cut it either — I have OCD¹, so I’m practically the prince of trying futilely harder. Perhaps “have patience” is closer, but it isn’t very encouraging or very specific, and I don’t think that’s really quite what Gunner has in mind here. After all, he says at the end of his post, “Don’t leave the riches of Scripture to the professors and the professionals.  Simply read it, study it, memorize it, and contemplate it, and God in His mercy will shed its light broadly in your mind and heart.”

Simply. Yes.

It’s simple once you get it, but I don’t get it, and though I’ve made some progress over the years, I never quite have gotten it.

¹I will virtually guarantee that you do not have OCD. Trust me. You may have a few weird habits. That’s not the same as OCD. Not even close.

What’s more, both he and I are .NET developers. (In point of fact, I found his blog from his profile on CodeProject.) Though he specializes in C# and I in (gasp! the horror!) VB, we still get along: I can write C# fairly well, and I have a sneaking suspicion that he’s at least conversant in VB.

So when I read that he was starting a big long ambitious project to map the traditional 613 commandments in Torah (using C# and a tool called GraphViz), I got all excited, and started plotting how I could get a piece of the action. As it happened, Judah was open to the idea of putting the project on CodePlex, so once it was up, I joined and began making changes (hint: scroll to the bottom to see the small piece I’ve done, or just go to the project’s homepage at commandments.codeplex.com for a sampling). My first SVN commit was this last Saturday, and I plan to be adding a commandment or so each week, along with occasional changes to the code proper.

Hopefully, this will enable Judah and I to finish up in something less than the originally foreseen year and a quarter.

And if anyone else wants to join in, there’s still lots of room! You do need to be able to write at least a little C# code, although it cannot be said that the coding side of it is all that complicated, and you need to be able to work SVN. If that describes you, come on in, the water’s fine!

*Note: I am not an expert in Hebrew – far from it – but to the best of my knowledge that is how one can, or might, or does, or at times in the past has, spelt that particular title, which translates to “The Anointed One”.

Probably the most annoying thing about the whole affair is how helpless Facebook makes me feel. They won’t talk to me at all, much less tell me what I did wrong, much less give me another chance. I can see that I could have done all kinds of things that would technically be against the Statement of Rights and Responsibilities, and in point of fact I know of at least one technical violation, some months ago, despite my best efforts to keep my nose clean. (If you want to know, I logged on to someone else’s account, with their strong encouragement and in ignorance of the provisions against that, and played around for a few hours total.) Also, there’s a post on Get Satisfaction that lays out the sorts of things that usually get people banned or temporarily disabled, and the last item on the list was essentially “No Reason” – that’s right, Facebook can and does sometimes disable people for no reason at all. Technically, as in my case and likely in the case of 95+% of their users, they might have a reason, but just not know about it yet. Is that really just, or is it some kind of Inquisition-like “well, we don’t yet know what you’ve done wrong, but we’re sure we’ll be able to find something” system?

And finally, I’m especially helpless because Facebook has a monopoly in its niche – there is no other service (at least, that I know of) that has so many of my friends using it and so many useful features. Xanga, for example, has some of my friends, perhaps half a dozen, perhaps more. But it’s hard for me to find them, and it’s not really set up for the sorts of things Facebook excels at. No one on Xanga updates their pulses with anything like the sorts of stuff you see on Facebook. And Xanga photo albums just aren’t the same as Facebook’s, even though they’re technically almost as good. It’s just the way things have worked out.

“Dear Lazyweb,

Do you know of a way I can tell Facebook to go jump in a lake, without losing track of all my friends?

Sincerely,
Nathan Tuggy, ID#645503444, aka nathantuggy”

But not just any old good time — no, I wanted to have a godly, extravagant good time that would teach me how to relate to others. So I chose Master’s, as being creationist (about which point I was perhaps excessively firm; I don’t know, though, as I’ve never attended a school that was not creationist), fun, extravagant (as all my friends still attending can attest, and still more those who have dropped out), and godly.

Socialization, in other words, is what I wanted, in a fairly safe place.

The scheme worked splendidly. I learned lots (I even learned a fair bit from my professors, and at times even in class); I had a ridiculously good time; I did tons of nice godly things — and more seriously, I also discovered some major holes in myself for God to patch, such as my attitude toward finding holes in myself.
And, of course, I got “socialized” nicely, and learned (or began to learn) how to relate to others. That was itself a rather fabulous success, by my standards, and I have since astonished all my dear families by my stunning abilities in this direction. (No, that’s not entirely sarcasm, actually.)

There was only one problem with the whole plan, and it’s one I didn’t discover during the nearly two years of planning, nor indeed until it was time to register for classes for the second semester: I didn’t want to leave when I was done.

You see, the original plan — for efficiency reasons (we are poor, and none too fond of money from our most excellent government), and also because I didn’t like the idea of college that much — was for me to only attend one year, and presumably that’d be good enough to get me through life.

But the fatal flaw in that plan, the thing I had not realized about socialization, is found in these two simple facts: you can’t get socialized without making friends; and if you make friends, you aren’t going to want to leave them. I had not considered the former much, and I had not considered the latter at all.

I had hardly ever before had to leave friends behind, you see.

That may sound strange, and indeed it is, for a missionary kid: isn’t an MK always leaving friends behind them, nearly everywhere they go?

Yes, of course — always assuming they have friends. I didn’t, hardly. I had, in point of fact, one friend I can remember from Venezuela (hey Josh! You reading this now? Props to you for sticking with me! ), a few friends, whose names I am fuzzy on, in random places around North America, such as in Florida, my siblings (fortunately)… and that’s about it.

This is probably for two reasons: the first is that I was a missionary kid, and decided early on, and subconsciously, that if I didn’t make close friends I wouldn’t mind if I had to leave them, or vice versa, and if I did accidentally become close friends with someone, and later had to leave, I would try to forget about them as soon as possible.
The second is more prosaic, in that for the longest time — until I was 18 or 19, in fact — it seemed like my personality was not all that into friends. (For those of you just joining… God nearly reversed my personality, starting when I was 15, and the peculiar reversal of this afriendliness is maybe the greatest work He’s done in me through Master’s.)

As I implied, I made lots of friends at Master’s, lots of surprisingly and surpassingly good friends.

But all this is mostly to say that I really miss those friends in the aggregate, and you specifically. But not only that; though I miss y’all pretty terribly, I’m still bad at handling the leaving of friends behind.

You see, I still try to forget. Hard. And it works, sort of…

at least, until I get an invitation to a summerfest barbecue at Placerita, or I see pictures of Year End Show 2009, or until I talk with one of you for half a priceless hour —
about nothing in particular, and certainly not what I’d like to talk about. But I don’t actually know what I’d like to talk about, and I probably couldn’t control myself if we did talk about it, and it wouldn’t really be enough anyway, and the time is up, and I have to go do yard work or you need to get some groceries.

And then the next day I go and do something else, and forget. Again. Sort of.

I have no idea what to do about this. I want to stop forgetting somehow, but I don’t know how. And I want to talk to you, but I’m not sure where to start, and I don’t think you’re any surer. No, strike that. I don’t want to talk with you; I want to sit with you in C-Dub upper parking lot with the wind blowing hard… I want to wake up early in the morning without an alarm clock and wonder if it’s time to get up yet… I want to sit on the grass at another goofy picnic, and get my shoes and socks trampled on by the crazy freshies as they race down the slope… I want to walk in the park at night with you and talk about any number of things… I want to go to church with you, and watch LotR with you, and eat popcorn with you, and listen to music with you (and wonder if the music you listen to is sinful*)… I want to rush to NorCamp and splash through puddles to bring you supper from the caf., slipping in just as Dr. Boyd begins another interminable three hours of (wonderfully!) boring Hebrew exegesis and ANE mythology, sprinkled with a dash of modern creation science.

I even (all right, almost) want to quick-march a mile to school for Friday-night pizza, one of my granola bars, and an apple, then quick-march to the service, when I could just as easily have eaten a good supper with you and saved the walk.

Yeah. I’ve got it bad, haven’t I?

That’s life. I’d as lief it wasn’t, but I guess that’s not my call.

Thank God for heartaches, in a strange sort of way. (I have no idea why I just said that, but I do know that it’s truer than I’ll know this side of heaven.)

*Hint: it is.
But have you ever heard of an artist called Todd Agnew…?

P.S. Talk soon? You have my number, and I honestly like phone calls

Not only did it look interesting, it was interesting. So interesting was it that I got into the act with a so-called "Johari window", and added the further Nohari window as well. These two tools are used to help someone – in this case, me – figure out their strengths and weaknesses. I selected six words that I think describe me in each one, but the main power of these techniques is in what other people say about you.

Could you please go there and help me out by picking 5-6 words from each list? Thanks.

Like a court summons, God calls us into His presence, and we are unable to refuse. Unlike an earthly court, however, we are not called in for the purpose of condemnation, but of pardon. Predestination leads inevitably to this summons, and this summons brings us, still without chance of failure, to justification (Romans 8:30). And then through sanctification we are brought to glorification, in the same inexorable fashion.

I was going to say that, despite all this, no one is saved against their will, but I find that I cannot, at least if I am interpreting Romans 9:16 and similar passages aright. It is God’s power that makes a man even willing to believe and be saved (Ephesians 2:8-9 with I John 3:23). This was rather frustrating to me, to tell the truth, and I still feel that there must be some passage somewhere that gives the other half of the story. I just can’t find it.

Still, it is not merely that God’s power makes a man willing, it is God’s power that saves. Just look at Ephesians 2:1-5: we were dead. Dead people aren’t willing to do anything, dead people aren’t able to do anything, dead people are just — well, John White said it better than I can: “Oh, don’t be silly! Dead’s dead.” (Gaal the Conqueror, pg. 299) But God made us alive through His power.

And because it is God’s power that saves a man, it is not my responsibility to be cool, or to talk well. Just to be faithful. And God will save those He has chosen.

That’s nice. You know?

I’m not really sorry, truth to tell. This is so important to me, and it might be to you too, so I’m just going to get it out there.

Micah preached this sermon last spring as part of Something-or-other Week, where three graduating Bible seniors preach in chapel. Just now, as I was listening to the chapel podcast, it was like I’d never heard it before. (Maybe I never did, actually: my attendance was a bit spotty that week, if I remember correctly.)

Right about 25 minutes in, he starts expositing "let us throw aside every weight", and he’s talking about things we do, songs we listen to, movies we watch, games we play (although he didn’t mention this, he should have). Specifically, things that may not be sinful — get that, they may not be sinful — but that distract us from chasing Christ. For example, just yesterday, I played several hours of generally harmless online games (e.g. Minions). But the problem with that isn’t that it’s sin, but that it takes my mind off Christ, and not just for the time I spend on it. I’m usually unready for service for several hours after I play, or after I watch a movie, or sometimes even after I read a book.

At this point, God’s sense of humor kicks in and He says, "Nathan, are you sure you get this yet?" So what do you think the subject of tonight’s Christmas Eve sermon at my church was? Bingo, following Christ without distraction.

So, I’ve pretty much decided that until further notice, I’m not going to play computer games without some other reason. I’m also going to take a hard look at the books I read. I don’t want to do something for fun that’s keeping me distracted from the God who created pleasure.

²¹ Receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls….

²⁵ The one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.

²⁶ If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. ²⁷ Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

James 1:21b, 25-27, ESV (emphases mine)

The social gospel is the same as the saving gospel. That is, James here equates the salvation of one’s soul, through the meek and active reception of the Word of God, with the religion that causes one to visit widows and orphans, keep oneself unstained, and bridle one’s tongue.

So, what widows or orphans have you visited in the last month or so?

As my bus threaded its way down Lyons Ave, passing familiar laundromats and restaurants, I began to look at all the sights with surprising joy. It had been so long since I saw them, fully six months, and I missed the area — even the dorky ads! — so much. And when I finally stepped off at Newhall station, I was very excited. It felt almost as though I was coming home.

An hour later, I walked into the concert venue, and my earlier excitement redoubled. This year’s theme was "Celebrate the Wonder", and it did not disappoint, for the wonder and mystery of Christmas — the astonishing fact of God becoming man — was indeed celebrated right well. The beauty of the music, the excellence of the musicianship, and the power of the words combined to God’s glory. Truly it was worth the trip to have the joy of seeing students and professors performing, join my voice to others in "The Twelve Days of Christmas", and talk with friends afterward.

But God is more gracious than I deserve, and though the Christmas concert would, as I said, have been worth the trip, there was more to come. The next day, I was able to help prepare for the annual Fiesta Navideño that my Spanish-language church, Iglesia Esperanza, holds. I also got to run the balloon dart booth the next day. Somehow, without planning it, I’d managed to just hit the right date, and I was able to fit right in to everything almost as though I’d never left. Even passing out flyers to announce the fiesta was kind of fun, and in doing that I got to meet Debbie and Ben, who have stepped up to the plate and picked up some of the slack left by departing students like myself. Hopefully, everyone at the festival heard the Gospel clearly proclaimed, and hopefully as well the hearts of some there were open to receive the Word.

Last year, I not only attended Iglesia Esperanza, but Placerita Bible as well, as I don’t understand Spanish too well. So Sunday evening, I was more than pleased to go to Placerita’s biannual New Members’ Service, which again I had not planned for. So many new faces, and so many friends too, were joining the church! Since I became a member last year, I felt it my pleasant duty to welcome them all. The funniest part, though, was that an old friend was joining the church, a friend who’d visited my family in Venezuela more than ten years ago on a missions trip! I don’t think I’ve seen her since then, and it was quite amazing to run into her again. So say hey to Jamie Millett if you see her at PBC.

Finally, I headed back up to Fresno and Coarsegold on Monday, but not before going to chapel. I didn’t want to miss Dr. MacArthur, for one thing, and I love to sing in chapel, for another. And it was a good thing I did go, because Dr. MacArthur gave me some real food for thought in his message. Unfortunately, this post is already too long, so I’ll have to save the discussion of that for later. Expect it within a week.

But to all my friends I saw last weekend, thanks for the love you showed me! Andy’s back rubs, and Jon’s help getting me to the station on my way back, and Nate’s — well, pretty nearly everything, actually, Nate did — thanks!

Like it says on the tin, Get Satisfaction is about consumers (people, in other words) getting satisfaction from firms (big, faceless corporations, in other words). But this site isn’t about ranting on how rotten Brand X is for not answering your complaints, then suing them for big bucks. It’s about fixing problems.

Get Satisfaction works by providing a slick forum for customers to ask questions and company reps to answer them. But it’s not just a forum: you can see the current status of problems, compliment a company, make suggestions — all sorts of things. Votes show you what issues are hot, what answers are cool, and what people are feeling like (angry, unconcerned, excited… etc).

But as I’ve said before, and as I’ll say again, don’t take my word for it, check it out!

And an extra bonus site for those of you who are frustrated by non-tech-savvy friends: letmegooglethatforyou.com is a splendid gag site. Try it out at http://letmegooglethatforyou.com/?q=trebuchet+plans, then send links to it to all those annoying friends next time they have a question. (What can I say? I like trebuchets!)

This psalm says that only the person who “walks blamelessly” will enter the tabernacle of the LORD. That’s hard enough to do. But what about the second piece of that same sentence? “Does what is right” — not “doesn’t do what is evil”, because the psalm already covers that in considerable detail. “Does what is right.” Goes out and actually does right things. The NKJV is a bit clearer, perhaps: “works righteousness”, emphasizing the actual going out and working righteous acts.

How can we sit still in church and not go out and help people mistreated, wounded, starving, even dying?

• Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
  (from CodeProject)
• Today’s lesson is brought to you by the word "niggardly". Remember kids, don’t attribute to racism what can be explained by Scandinavian language roots.
  – Robert Royall
  (spotted, again, on CodeProject)
• You’re right.
  Those facts you’ve laid out totally contradict the wild ramblings I pulled off the backs of cereal boxes.
  (CodeProject, on Shog⁹‘s signature; now, alas, gone)
• If I am nobody and nobody is perfect does that mean that I am perfect?  Yes, it does. (Pet Dragons forum)
• All the jokes hit me like a wave. I was caught in the undertow of humor and had to giggle my way out. (Todd Agnew forum)
• No trees were harmed in the production of this post, however a huge number of electrons were horribly inconvenienced. (again, Todd Agnew forum)

A note on the title: according to the most fabulously useful online tool known to mankind, "quire" is an archaic term for quiver, and as such is somewhat of a generic term for "container". I felt it suitable. You are not free to correct me.

One of the downright coolest sites I know is Powerset — not so much because their current capabilities are that great, although they are pretty cool, but because of what the technology will turn into soon. The basic deal is that you can ask direct questions that don’t work on regular search engines at all, and have them answered sensibly, often with a direct answer. Right now Powerset uses Wikipedia as its source for information, but at some time in the future (and here’s the point), they plan to expand to indexing the whole Internet, like an ordinary search engine, only better, because you’ll be able to ask sensible questions and have them answered.

But hey, don’t take my word for it: Powerset has lots of good example questions, so head on over there and try it out!

Just all the purposes the site talks about (and there are plenty) seem really, really strange and unnecessary. Now I know, from history, that many exceedingly useful devices seemed strange and unnecessary at first. But this one? What does it actually do? At least, what does it do that something else couldn’t do just as well or better? So far, nothing. And I went through pretty nearly the whole site looking for it.

Does anybody have any ideas on why this might actually be useful, now or someday?

Postscript: Of course, I am just thrilled to pieces that the site uses Flash so much. That pretty much makes my day.

She had a very nice birthday, and is looking forward to next year. Now, if I can just get started on the treasure hunt card now…

Tugopedia isn’t crowd-sourced, like Wikipedia, or politically correct-sourced, like CNN, or scholar-sourced, like Encyclopedia Britannica. No, Tugopedia is weird-sourced. That is, I’ll spill my rants onto the screen, find some pretext for saying it, and cobble something together. Usually, it will even make sense. Sometimes, you’ll agree with me. Once in a while, my family will still be speaking to me after they read my posts (you know who you are). It’s pronounced Tug-o-pedia, incidentally, because that is, roughly speaking and in some fashion, how you pronounce my name (aren’t you glad you asked?)

I plan to write about whatever I like, whenever I’m ready, and however long I can. Which may mean twenty-three pages every time, like Steve Yegge (bad word alert!) or twenty-three words, like James Robertson, I’m not sure yet. You’ll see, and so will I, and that will be time enough.

Meanwhile, so as not to keep anyone waiting, let’s dive into the first post, shall we?

Oh yes, and one more warning. My writing style is somewhat like that of the Apostle Paul’s: long sentences with lots of commas and (frequently) little parenthetical interludes that are actually rather crucial to the discussion (for example, because I elaborate on some point or other that needs more thought, and without the discussion in the parentheses, no one would know what I meant — even with these discussions, it’s frequently hard, so be warned); what’s more, my sentences can sometimes get weighed down and difficult to plod through, if I’m not careful, like this one, and which is, again, like the Apostle.

Sorry. I just had to give you a whiff. Have fun, and have a nice day!